So at the end of this month (March) I will have been in country for 8 months and in my village for 6 months, which means I will have completed 25% of my 2 year service. I have mixed feelings about this. One one side I can't believe I have been living in Fiwila for 6 months now, it feels like home. On the other hand, for the first time since I found out I was going to Zambia in June 2010, two years suddenly feels long, like I am going to be here forever. It suddenly hit me the commitment that I have made and realized that there is still a lot of time left in Zambia. At the same time I have no interest in returning home permanently, but there is this part of me that wishes I could come home for just a week to see my friends and family, breathe some San Francisco air, hit up Tahoe, and eat some sushi. It's a feeling I have not yet experienced here, and I feel that I have gone through a myriad of emotions here, from being in love to having my heart broken, from elation to sadness, illness, boredom, fear, happiness, loneliness, but this is the first time that homesickness has hit, and I am struggling with the best way to cope with this new emotion. I am not worried about the coping, but I am not quite sure how to handle it, it is not an emotion that I am used to experiencing.
At the same time, I feel like this is an amazing time not only in my life, but also in the life of so many of those that I love. I have several friends and family members embarking on new and exciting adventures in their lives all over the world, the times they truly are a changin! The effects and existence of globalization is on display constantly in Zambia, the world is truly growing smaller by the day! Even though I live 90k out in the bush, with little to no network (cell phone coverage), no electricity, and no running water, the clinic has a solar powered cooler for vaccines that is powered by BP Solar and funded by Japan. Obama is truly the worlds president, one can buy Obama EVERYTHING here ranging from umbrellas, shirts, chitenge's and even underwear. Pop hits from America play on the radio, and I am able to skype people back home, or wherever they may be finding themselves, for free and hear their voices and see their faces. When you think back that at one point places were so isolated and cultural exchange was so limited it is shocking.
There are things here that are so different, yet others that are so similar. I went to my friend who is a teacher's house for lunch one day and her son was telling her about all the exciting things that happened at school that day. Teenagers are teenagers, wherever they are. I am teaching grade 11 biology at the high school right now, and I am really enjoying the opportunity to get to know the kids because they won't reach out to me. There are cliques within the students, and one of the biggest struggles is discussing sexual health with them. They have the mentality of any teenager anywhere in the world "I am invincible and it won't happen to me" and unable to think about the future, so there are several students that are having unprotected sex. I am hoping that the students will view me as a peer, and not a superior, and they will feel comfortable coming to be to talk about sex, HIV/AIDS, STI's, pregnancy, and marriage. A lot of times the teachers get upset because they don't think the students are working very hard, and sometimes even say they aren't smart, but my students are very sharp, they have asked some very good questions. We are moving a bit slower than I would like to be moving, mostly because the students do not have copies of the textbook so for all terms and pictures I have to write them on the board, I cannot assign them the material to read and learn the day before, I wish there was a way to get them books, but I think I will have a hard time motivating them to start some kind of IGA (income generating activity) for just one year. The students, and the youth in general, are the generation of change and the future of any country, and society, even any community, and I am hoping to have the opportunity to make these students feel empowered and that they can do anything they want with a bit of hard work and determination.
There is a story that I read to myself a lot, in order to keep me motivated. A lot of people come to Peace Corps with the notion that they're going to change the world, if they can just tell their community how to keep themselves healthy then they will do it. I think anyone who denies coming in without even a touch of this idealism is in denial, you want to think if your coming all this way and staying for so long your going to make a big difference. The thing is, you learn quickly that you may only make a difference in a few people's lives, you may never see your work come to fruition, especially when working in health, and that there will be resistance, corruption, apathy, and a lot of volunteers become jaded because of this. While your ideals are questioned and adjusted, I find it vital to my mental health that I repeat this story to myself often, and never forget the meaning of it.
There was a wise old man walking down the beach late at night. He looked up ahead and saw a young woman throwing starfish from the shore into the ocean. Curious, he hurried to catch up to her and asked her what she was doing. She replied that when the sun rose any of the starfish that were still on the shore would die, so she was throwing them back into the sea to save them. The old man looked at her sadly and said "there are thousands of starfish, and the beach is hundreds of miles long, how can you make a difference?" The young woman looked at the starfish in her hands and said "it makes a difference for this one"
Support, from current volunteers and from friends and family is so vital. It keeps you grounded, it picks you up when your feeling like your failing, or not doing a good enough job, or enough work. I am hard on myself, I think a lot of Peace Corps volunteers are hard on themselves, and the encouragement and support from home allows you to be kind to yourself, which is also a very important thing to remember to do.
Please keep in touch, your letters/emails/packages/new york times articles/sms's mean more to me than you will ever know! Much love to all, happy spring in America, and everywhere in the northern hemisphere for that matter.
