Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Past, Present, Future

I was "pulled" from my village, Fiwila, on Monday September 10th, 2012. It was a day that came full circle. The first time I visited my house and I was so unsure of whether it was the right placement for me, if me and the family would mesh well together, and how the hell was I going to survive without cell phone service!?! I laid on my floor, with only the furniture left behind by previous volunteers in the house, and cried my eyes out. On Monday, shortly before departure, I laid in that same spot, this time my house totally vacant and barren as I gave all my furniture away since I am not being replaced by another volunteers and all my bags were packed up and ready to go, and I balled my eyes out, this time for a different reasons. It turns out that I had been placed in the perfect village for me, with the most wonderful family who became my real family, and in the end I ended up getting cell phone coverage. Sitting with my family the night before I cried through the whole meal realizing "this is the last time that I will be eating nshima with you." The morning I left I was able to go to the opening day of preschool and see the children and the teachers begin the term.

I came to Peace Corps with the loftiest of goals, to change the world, to save the community and every person in it. I didn't even think it would be that hard and while I knew I would change I didn't know how I would change. Peace Corps has been one of the most humbling and educational experiences. Every time I though that I had an aspect of Zambian culture figured out, or understood, or thought I was a Zambian something would happen to remind me that I will never totally understand this world, because it's not my world. However, I feel I gave Zambia everything that I had, and it gave me everything it had to offer and what more could a person ask for?

My family is sending my best friend and Zambian sister Paxina to nursing school starting in (hopefully) January. Her life will be forever changed along with her family's. She kept me for two years, and now it's my turn to help keep her. Some of the people I met inspired me and melted my heart. The tradgedies that they had endured, the struggles they had overcome, and they will still forging ahead trying to make life better for themselves and their families.

Not everything was beautiful. There were some ugly things, such as the corruption and the manipulation. There were deaths, and failed projects. But there were also births and successful endeavors. I learned to celebrate small victories, because if you only focus on the big picture and the big victories, a lot of beautiful and wonderful moments in your life will pass you by.

My two years in Zambia have been the most amazing, challenging, educational, uplifting, eye-opening, healing, and wonderful two years of my life. I don't know what really lies ahead (other than an amazing Euro trip to see my sister and old friends that it has been to long since I have seen) but Zambia has taught me that even the best, most carefully laid plans can go completely astray and how to deal with the chaos that may ensue.

For those of you who helped with my preschool, either helping to promote it to your friends/family/coworkers, donated money to the grant or supplies for the school both me and my community can never thank you enough. You have helped to make a difference in these children's lives, I have seen such a change in them since they started their lessons in February and they are SO excited about their beautiful building full of toys, art supplies, and what they don't know is educational material that is meant just for them to enjoy. They all get to sit in their own chair, many of these children have never had a chair that they get to sit in all by themselves and they don't have to share or give up to an adult or older child.

And to those of you who have followed my journey, and who have supported me through my journey, I couldn't have done it without you. There where days when you just wanted to throw in the towel, days when you were so sad, or angry, or frustrated but then I would remember all those at home who loved and supported me (I kept a constant reminded on my wall and saved all your letters) Your love and support has meant more than you will ever imagine

Leaving is bittersweet. I am ready for the next chapter of my life, but leaving this important chapter behind is not easy. I have built a life here, a network both of Zambian and American friends. I have gotten used to life here (even the horrible transportation system-which is the number one thing I will NOT miss about Zambia) and I am about to leave all of it behind, and I can never return to it. I am returning to a life that I left behind two years ago that isn't the same life it was, because though I didn't realize it at the time, I was leaving behind a life then that I could never return to. We can only go forward, we can only fight through the bad, savor the good, and celebrate any success (even if its just sweeping the house, or typing a report, or building a preschool) No matter the size of the success it is a success and it should be enjoyed and celebrated. It is the small moments that make up our lives, and if we don't appreciate and enjoy those small moments we're going to miss a lot of life.

This chapter ends, an another begins

so it goes.....